From my heart to yours.

 I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

- Jason Mraz

Planning a wedding...(parden my bluntness) sucks.

I'm sorry. But it does.

Whoever said registering was fun... lied.
Whoever said sending invites out was exciting... joked.
Whoever said fights end at engagement... has never been engaged.
And whoever said it wasn't that much work... has never worked a day in their life.

It is so hard. And exhausting. And completely overwhelming.

My to-do list is constant. Never-ending. And ever so daunting.
My stress levels are chronically sky rocketing.
My emotions are permanently fringed.

Yet, in the midst of it all... I still know it's right.

I am stressed.
Overwhelmed.
Often defeated.
And sometimes overcome.

But I am here. And still in love. So, so in love.

I've learned a lot about what I mean by that..

love.

It's taken on a whole new meaning the last 3 months of my life.

It might be different than yours. In fact, I wouldn't doubt that it is. But that's okay.

Because to me...

It's about commitment. Trust. Vulnerability. Understanding. It's about being able to hurt... and make it okay. It's about compassion. Selflessness. Devotion. It's about hard work, and determination.

But more than anything, it's about forgiveness.

And I know now more than ever, how much I truly love David Steven Jackson.

And how much he loves me.

You learn a lot about each other as you meet. You learn a lot about each other as you spend time together. You learn a lot about each other as you date. And you learn even more about each other when you get engaged.

But you truly come to know each other as you cross the sweet-waters of life. As you cling to one another because that's all you've got. As you commit, with all your heart, to be his, and him yours. No matter what storms hit. As you disagree, and then agree to change. As you trust each other more than anyone else. As you put the other first, because you want to. Because that's what matters. As everything around you comes crashing down..and you run for each other's arms. Not away. Becuase there you know it will be okay. When you decide to put your gloves down, and let the other in. When you let the small things go. Because they will never matter more than your relationship with each other.

And when you forgive not because you have to, but because you want to. Because you love them too much not to. 

That is love.

And with that, it doesn't matter what anyone sees. Or thinks. Or has.

Why?

Because chances are, it means something else to me than it does to you. Or to her. Or to him. Or to your family. Or to his. Or to those neighbors. Or those friends. 

Others might think you're crazy. They might judge you. They might not ever understand.

But the important thing is that you know. That I know.
And that no matter what happens, you never stop letting each other know.

That is what makes planning a wedding worth it.

That is why you register for gifts.
That is why you stuff the invitations.
That is why you buy the flowers.
That is why you set the tables.

That is why you fight. And then make up.
That is why you stress.
That is why you go through it all.

Because that kind of love is worth it. Learning, changing, regrouping, forgiving.. are all worth every bit of sacrifice they take.

They make you, you.
And me, me.

And they allow us...

...to continue on when the road gets tough.

What does love mean to you? Think about it.

From my heart to yours,
R

July?

May 16th, 2012.

Are you serious? That was my last post?

It's July.

Where did June go?

Between working in St. George for my sister, vacationing-yes, we took 2 entire weeks of vacation (you only live once right?), Dave's sister's wedding, and one of the most monumental days of my life (more on that later, stay tuned), it's been a bit...well, insane. Thus the lack of blogging (Which I have missed very, very dearly don't get me wrong). 

But still.  It's July.

I loved June.

It was full of firsts, bests, and never enoughs. I took my first trip to Hebgen Lake (right outside West Yellowstone) with the Jackson family. It was... gorgeous to say the least.

Take a peak of our trip...

 

I loved it. Such a fun week filled with so many new memories.
Memories like: 

Morning yoga.
(Thank you Uncle Dan for making my morning every single day with your commentary)
Beach Volleyball.
(Yes, even I loved it... saying something right?)
West Yellowstone Trips.

 

 

Ice cold, and I mean ice cold, "cool offs" in the lake.
(Including one with all my clothes on... it's a tradition I guess? Yikes. I must be in love.)

Reading books on the beach.
S'mores & songs around the campfire.

Inside Jokes.
Hip-hip-hoorays.
The dinner bell.
Matching T-shirts.

Bunk Beds.
Late night convos.
Sunday Canoe Rides.

Card Games.
Star gazing on the dock.

The brown sugar hunt.
Cookie dough.
Freshly baked rolls.
The Playmill.

Scum.
The dreaded mouse.
Arrowleaf
(The world's BEST ice cream...and I will swear to that till my death)

 

 

Afternoon movies.
Clam dip.
(Yes I did say that, but don't worry I haven't betrayed you seafood haters, I have yet to say I like it...)
Dingy rides.

And one of the most special nights of my life (foreshadow).

But the fun didn't end there.

After a week filled with craziness, we hopped in the car and drove 5 hours home to prep for our next adventure the following morning. Next adventure being the 7 hour car ride to Lake Powell with my family. Woah. That was a whirlwind of fun prepping for. And by "fun" I mean loads and loads of laundry, ornery Rach's and ornery Dave's, unpacking, re-packing, baking, unloading, re-loading,... needless to say, glad that part is over.

But... it was well worth it. The next 4 days were some of the funnest of my life. I got to share my piece of heaven with the guy I love most. He got to be a part of our favorite place on earth. Part of our traditions. Part of our family.

I loved it. All of it.

Not just because I went to two of the most beautiful places on earth. Not just because I spent time with my family. Not just because I spent time with my 2nd family whom I've come to love so much. And not just because I was immersed in the warming sun and starry nights.

But because I got to spend it with him.

I got to wake up and spend the entire day with him. And then go to bed knowing I would spend the next, and the next, and the next the exact same way.

And I loved that.

Why? Because I love him. (Warning: here comes a tiny bit of cheese, but it's true so...oh well?) I love how much fun we have together. I love the friendship that we share. I love laughing with him.... and sometimes even crying with him. I love making weird faces with him and belting "Dirty Pop" (acapella) N'SYNC style in the car.  And that's why I am so excited to marry him.

Hold up, say WHAT?!

Race ya to the next post,
R. 

Love is a verb.

06.13.12.

It was a lazy Wednesday afternoon. 

 I was tired from our long day at the beach, dreading the shower that lay ahead of me. 

I wish I could snap my fingers and be done. Classic wish on my part. 

My boo lay on the couch next to me, half asleep, scruffy beard, and a days worth of sun on his cheeks. 

He was pooped. 

Or so I thought. 

I brought myself together and took a quick shower, threw on some clothes, and came out to lazy on the couch some more before our girls night. 

Oh yeah did I mention that? It was Whitney's (Dave's sister) birthday so all of us girls were going out for ice cream and presents to celebrate her big day. 

I was a combination of nervous, excited, and exhausted. 

I glanced over at D.  

"Are you okay?" I asked, sensing a hint of... of... something. 

Yawn.  

"Yeah.. I'm just tired. I never got that nap I wanted" He tiredly replied.

Remembering the conversation we'd had earlier in the day about the naps we were daydreaming of taking, I dismissed it without a second thought. 

Dinner was ready and before I knew it I was being shuffled out the door for our girls night out. 

(Althought I did sneak a quick kiss and big hug from D before I ran out the door)

Here we go. Knots tied in my stomach. I hope this won't be weird.

About 3 minutes in those same knots were completely untied and had me wondering why they'd ever been there in the first place. It's Dave's family, of course this is going to be fun. We were laughing already.

The night wore on and with mouthfuls of Butterfinger injected vanilla custard stuffed in a homemade waffle cone, we ate our way through presents.

We made a quick store run for a few cabin needs, loaded up the car, and headed toward the dirt road roller-coaster that lead to the cabin.

With hands full of groceries I walked in the cabin door, greeted immediately by D's cousin. 

"Rach, can you sit right here for a minute?"

My heart jumped and my head raced.

"Why?" I managed in a nervous whisper.

"Dave just needs you to sit here for a minute." 

The next few seconds were a blur. People disappearing around me, my throat croaking for water. This is it. No way. Could this really be it? No way did he have the ring. They'd only started making it TWO DAYS ago. But if it's not, why is my heart racing? Where's Da--

The door creaked open. 

I looked up in unbelief. There stood my handsome D, dressed up in shirt and tie, clean shaven, looking as sharp as ever. A smile broke across my face when my eyes met his. Oh those blue, blue eyes.

"Rach, can you come with me for a minute?" 

My heart about popped out of my chest as my shaky legs lifted my body off the bench. 

Inside, the room was dimly lit, with a handmade fire blazing in the fireplace. 

Love is a verb
It ain't a thing
It's not something you own
It's not something you scream

In the center of the floor two red blankets lay surrounded by twinkling lights and rose pedals. 

When you show me love
I don't need your words
Yeah love ain't a thing
Love is a verb
Love ain't a thing
Love is a verb

Rose pedals lined the mantle and brushed the small table where two framed pictures sat shining in the light. I glanced at the prints inside to realize they represented this incredible journey we had been on. With one from one of the first dates we'd ever been on, 3 years earlier, to one only a few weeks back. I said a silent prayer of thanks for the man that stood in front of me, holding my hands in his.

Love ain't a crutch
It ain't an excuse
No you can't get through love
On just a pile of I-O-Us

"Rachel, I love you so so much." He started. 

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. OH. MY. GOSH.

"...and I've loved you for a very long time. I've loved you since we were only best friends.. I've loved you since we could only love each other to the moon and back..."

Love is a verb
Love ain't a thing
Love is a verb

My heart skipped a beat.

This is NOT real. This is THE moment. No. Way. 

"... I want to love you forever and have a family with you."

I love you too and I want that too an--

"So, Rachel..."

His knee bent and his hand pulled out a small black velvet box.

"Will you marry me?"

 I think my heart actually s t o p p e d. 

I couldn't help but cover my mouth in disbelief.

"Of COURSE!! Of course I will!" 

I think the world stopped spinning. It was just me and him. My future husband. My eternal companion.

So you gotta show, show, show me
Show, show, show me
Show, show, show me
That love is a verb

This is the moment I've been waiting for my entire life. This, right here. I can't believe this. Did that really just happen?

His big arms wrapped me in the most heart warming, sincere hug I've ever felt. We stayed there, glued together as the seconds past. I'm marrying him. My very, very best friend. I smiled as I let that thought sink in and breathed in the comforting smell of his cologne. 

On June 13th, 2012 David Steven Jackson asked me to be his bride. Can you believe it? Me neither.  (Grammar fanatics.. just let that one go)

For the first time in my life I looked into the loving eyes of my husband and knew, without a shadow of a doubt, it was him. He was mine. And I was his. 

Forever. (Yes, said like the Sandlot kid).

Through thick and thin. 

He slid the ring on my finger and with all the love in the world took my hand as we opened the door to greet the family. 

And we've been hand in hand ever since. 

 

 

08.28.12.

Meet you there. 

(53 days and counting).

R.

Love ain't a thing

Love is a verb

Sick day.

I took a sick day today.
Not that I work or anything. I know. Give me some time and I promise I will have "work" stories to tell.
Anyway, I took a day off. A day off from life.
I woke up with a throat so sore I swear I had strep throat.
Groan.
I could already tell it was gonna be one of those mornings.
One of those roll-over-and-go-back-to-bed-for-at-least-an-hour type of mornings.
So I did.

One hour later. 

Rolled outta bed to a sweet little chubby cheeked girl waddling her pudgy toes my way, with a "Wacheellll!" squeal.
Ah. Much better morning already.

Nonetheless, the headache lasted. The lack of energy never faded. And the sore throat still gripped me like a rock climber hanging off a 40 ft cliff.

But it's okay, I am still alive. And, for the most part, well.

I love my life.

Have I told you lately? Well, better safe than sorry, I do. I love it.

I moved home. Annnnnd, through the cleaning, and cleaning, and packing, and cleaning, and packing, and driving, and moving, and unpacking, and unpacking, and reorganizing and cleaning.... it was an unforgettable weekend.

I had a day of summer lovin' with my very best friend...

My bestie graduated from college, and is all grown up....

I had the most bittersweet, tender, sobering moments with my roommates while we cleaned our small apartment. We laughed, and definitely cried, as we said goodbye to 3 years filled with the most incredible, precious, defining memories we will forever cherish...

And so much more. It was hard. And exhausting. But so much fun.

This year was a blast. It was full of ups and downs, but it was one filled with crucial turning points in my life. Major decisions molding and shaping me into who I am going to become.

And this week, I realized just how great life is when you are doing your very best to make it that way. It's easy, really.

I love waking up to three little kisses and three big hugs every single morning.
I love seeing my best friend every night after his long days of work.
I love making lunch with my mom and watching her garden in the backyard.
I love sleeping in my bed and listening to the waterfall outside my window.
I love doing sidewalk chalk with my nieces on a breezy summer day.

I love May. And June. And July. And especially August. 

And I can't wait for this summer to come.

So, on this day off I decided to... reflect (for lack of a better less-philosophical word) on the past couple of weeks. The good. The hard. The fun. The exciting.

I can't wait to watch my niece and nephew while my sister and her husband explore the streets of Italy with my parents.
I can't wait to see my sister in St. George as we tackle the task of taking care of a six-year-old, two-year-old twins, and a newborn.
I can't wait for Hebgen with the Jackson family.
I can't wait for sunsets at Lake Powell with my family.
I can't wait for fireworks on the fourth of July.

I just can't wait for... life. The good and the hard.

And that's it. That's all there is. Me telling you how lucky I am to be where I'm at. How blessed I feel to have what I have. And how important it is to take a day off life, even if it means 10 minutes during your lunch break, to reflect on what you love. What makes you happy.

Because really, isn't that what life is really all about?

"Come what may, and love it."

R.