The day.

There was something about those gigantic, c r i s p y blue robes and flat, boxy caps that drew me. I got mine out of the box the day I took them home. I had waited so long to feel the starched fabric stiff beneath my fingers and to place that awkward fitting cap on my head. 17 years. My moment was here.

Okay so maybe the outfit wasn't exactly flattering...but it didn't matter. Because it meant more than could ever be shown on a department store model. 

It meant accomplishment. It meant possibilities. It meant change. It meant past, yet it meant present, but most importantly- it meant future. 

So many big words, big things. I wasn't used to this. To these big decisions, big moments. Everything was all of a sudden big. And with big...comes important. I was no longer sitting back and letting somebody else do it for me. Someone else deal with the stress, the fear, even pain at times. This time it was all me.

But then again, I wasn't letting anyone else feel the joy, the excitement, the wonder, the satisfaction. 

And that, all of that, has once again helped me in becoming who I am. Who I can be. Who I will become.

I was almost ready. Almost ready for the big day. The word I had anticipated yet dreaded even thinking about for years.

  Graduation. 

It was almost here. My announcements were mailed. My gown was ironed. My tassel neatly dangling from my cap. I had it all. Well almost. I was still missing one thing. 

My family.

My siblings are spread across the globe. At least it seems like it to me. Especially at times like this. I mean I know it was nothing new, I had been to 5 graduations. And that's only counting highschool graduations. I knew how it was done. Yet I couldn't help but wish my family could be there to share it with me. To be the ones sitting in the stands as I walked down that l o n g carpet to my seat like I watched them do so many times before. But life is crazy. And demanding. Work, school, raising a family- its near impossible to leave. And so of course I understood.

After all, I had my mom, who has molded me into someone I could never have become on my own, and taught me lifelong lessons I will never forget. And of course my dad, who has spent countless hours working to support me and who has been an example I can only hope to shadow someday.  

And that was okay with me. They had been by my side since the day I was born, and they wouldn't be missing this.

But it gets better.

Here's the good part.

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009.

I was pulling into my driveway after a long night of reminiscing, reuniting, and goodbyes to some. It was late, I was tired. Tired enough not to notice the blue van parked one car over. I trudged inside and tripped on a pair of small shoes. Too small to be mine. Too small to be my mom's, and definitely too small to be my dad's. They were a child's shoes. They had to be my nephew's.

Noah. 

I threw open the mudroom door and raced into the kitchen. No one. Spotless as my mom always leaves it. I sprinted up the stairs and down the hall, confusion eating at my mind. I glided through the doorway of my room and came to an abrupt s t o p. My eyes filled with tears. There on my bed sat the one thing I needed to be completely ready. My family. I will never forget that moment. I realized just how much they cared. 

I couldn't believe it. 10 hours, 2 kids...My sister... + 4 hours, 1 rowdy 3 year old...My sister... + another hour, nursing baby..My sister. I don't know how they did it, but it meant the world to me. 

As I stared at them in wonder my sister said, 

"Do you really think we would miss this rach? Yeah right."

And that statement said it all. Of course they wouldn't miss it. Because families stick together. Even those who couldn't make the drive, still rememebered. Still cared. Still called me just to talk. And together, as a family, they made me ready. 

Ready for the end of my world as I knew it. Ready to begin not just a new chapter in my life, but a whole new book. Ready to become me.

  

 

So to my family, I say thank you. Thank you for once again amazing me in ways I could never imagine possible. I can now say..

I am ready.