26D.

Well…..it's been a while. My bad. I just haven't been in that "blog" mood. Ya know? When you are just too tired with too much to talk about that you dont even want to begin? Yeah that one.
But now I do. So... here's a couple things.

Number one, I finished my book. And it was great. I loved it.

It’s called Little Princes…and it just might be one of my new favorites.

But, more likely than not, that’s because of my circumstance. I happen to be in one somewhat similar. 

Number two, I love Cookies n’ Cream ice cream from Swensen’s. I've had it 3 times in 5 days. I know, judge me all you want. It's the truth. And I'm proud of it. It’s single handedly the best ice cream I’ve ever had. I crave it. Daily. And I’m not an ice cream person so…that’s sayin somethin.

But, both of those are beside the point. And I actually have a point this time. Which is already a better start than usual.

So what is it? Well. A couple I should’s, I would’s, I am’s and even some I wouldn’t’s. Hang in there, you’ll see.

I should be laying with the sun on my face and a fly obnoxiously landing on my legs, arms, neck, cheeks…anything not tucked away by a sleeping bag. I should hear the rhythmic purr of distant boats cruising along the horizon as early morning boaters finally make it out of the "no wake" zone. I should hear the pitter-patter of little feet on the dock and the shuffle of moms making sure their little ones are safe. 

I should be anticipating sunsets like this...

...And watching as millions of stars begin dotting the darkening sky. 

I should be able to follow the Milky Way with my finger and make a silent wish on every one of those bright stars.

But, I’m not.

I know, I should be. Or should I say, I would be. I've never missed a trip yet. Lake Powell always comes first.

I would be sitting there overly happy the dreadful, exhausting unloading is finally done. I would be listening to my niece’s laugh, and watching my nephew crawl for the first time. I would have the smell of children’s sunblock (aka spf 100 CREAM..seriously have you ever tried rubbing that stuff in? It’s like trying to rub peanut butter on white bread, nearly makes my arm sore every time) stuck in my nose no matter what I do. I would be front and center as the classic battle (between mother and child) of the ever-hated lifejacket takes place. And the rash that always follows.

I’d see his summer buzz..

And her princess panties (she just barely learned how to use the potty).

I’d see these bright smiles…

And laugh as these two destroy the houseboat (said in the most loving-two-year-old-twin-way possible).

 

I would spend hours laughing with them...

And spend days catching up on missed adventures with these two…

But, I’m not.

And as shocking as it is….I’m okay with that.

Not because I don’t absolutely love Lake Powell more than Swensen’s Cookies n’ Cream ice cream (which keep in mind…I ate 3 big scoops with carmel, fudge, bananas, and oreo cookies on top – no problem)

And not because I really didn’t want to help pack. Or because I’m sick of driving the jetskis. Or because I don’t really care to see the new boat. Or because I don’t miss my family.

None of that.

It’s something else.

It’s something about these brown eyes…

My cute little soccer school kids: this is the 1st grade class!

They love to do my hair at lunch- thus the Nephi braid

This “family”…

Our crazy little family at our house in Chiang Rai!

And treats like this…

 

(Let’s be honest, we all knew food had to be factored into the decision process at some point. Who would I have been without the food plug? Come on).

Now, let me explain.

One week ago I was supposed to board a plane.

26D. Gray seat.

One week ago I was supposed  to say goodbye to everyone I love, pack up my memories and “leave my seat belt fastened until the fasten seat belt sign is turned off”

I was supposed to nicely fold up what wasn’t too disgusting to take home, carefully place my souvenirs on top, and zip my suitcase closed.

I was supposed to be sitting in a plane drinking Ginger ale wishing, beyond all wishes ever been wished, that I could some how, some way, fall asleep. I mean, I don’t know how I wouldn’t be able to with a chair in strict upright position, people crowding me on both sides and the frigid airplane air blasting my cheeks and rippling through my hair. (Seriously, how do they get it so cold? It’s bone chilling. As if the comfort level wasn’t low enough..).

 

But, once again, I’m not.

I’m here...

I’m still here.

And it feels so good.

Sure, I am missing the one week I look forward to all-year long. I’m missing the sunsets, the star lit conversations, the laughs, the early morning skis (I swear this year was my year mom…) and laffy taffy jokes.

Guess I’ll have to catch all that next year. And the next. And the next. And the next.

Because I don’t have another year to catch this…

 

Or this…

The adorable DEPDC (Anti-human trafficking NGO we work with) kindergarteners!

Or experience things like these…

Our weekend in Phuket/Phi Phi

Yep...I even went scuba diving!

 

I. Loved. This. Little. Guy.

REAL Thai wrestling match we went to!

The Big Buddha. Amazing piece of art- so fresh it's still in the making!

I don’t have another year to watch the “small and simple things bring great things to pass”. It’s true. It’s really happening.

And that’s it. That’s the point.

This place, these people, are changing my life.

I know, I’ve said it before. Too many times maybe. And, sorry to say it GAlinda, but I have no doubt, they are changing it for the better.

It’s not easy. There are a lot of different personalities intertwining. And that’s never easy.

But no one ever promised life would be easy. They only promised it’d be worth it.

(I don’t know who “they” is either. But “they” hold a large role in society.. So I think it’s a valid statement. And if not? Let’s just say it is, for argument’s sake.) Because there is so much good to accompany the not so good. The hard. The challenging.

So I’ll take the mesquito bites, revolting bathrooms (if you can even call them that…), and food that burns my lips long after the meal’s over. I’ll take Mikey’s shrill, ear splitting, skin crawling shriek of a bark every time anyone takes a step. Or doesn’t take a step. Or breathes. Or blinks.

I’ll take the insane massages, the hot stuffy crammed buses, the cockroaches, the bird-sized moths, the Sunday School lessons (yes…I did have to teach. And no, I still haven’t gotten that whole ‘center of attention’ thing down. So yes, I hated every second of it)

I’ll take it all.

Because someday, when this is all over, I will be able to look back and say I did it. (No, not in the “I ran a marathon just to say I did it” sort of way. In the, “wow, that was an incredible experience I can’t believe I actually had the chance to do that” sort of way.) And I know, without a doubt, that all the hard work, bug bites, long days, personalities, food, bugs, everything, will help mold me into who I can become. 

As for now, I'm off to dream about fruit bingo and head shoulders knees and toes.

From one mesquito bite to the next,

R.