Once upon a Valentine's Day.

It's the Day of Love, it's Valentines Day and I am so excited to spend today with you. But you know I'm not just going to tell you what we are going to do. You are going to have to work for it a little bit and have some fun along the way! I am going to tell you some reasons why I love you, and why I want to be with YOU tonight.... I have placed some Love Notes all over Logan. Each note is at a certain location that explains a little bit about why I've fallin' for you. Each note contains a clue as to where the next Love note is. I'm calling it the Love Hunt. So you better start NOW, get going so you can find all the Love notes in time! 
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Every good story has a strong beginning, suspenseful/exciting climax, and somewhat of a resolving ending.


And, as much as I want to tell a really good story... I have... none of those.


So I'll start by saying this.


Happy Valentine's Day (A day late).


In this past, I've written about my love for family. And friends. I've written about the word 'love' and what it means. I've written about how single I was, or how many people around me were in love. I've written about my mom, my sisters, my nieces and nephews.


But today. This year. I'm writing about me. And of course, him.

I guess you could say this was the first  year I actually had a date on Valentines. And not just a random. Not just a crush. But somebody I sincerely wanted to be out with. Someone who actually means the world to me. Someone I love. 

(Woah what? Is she doing a sappy love post? Is this really happening? I thought she hated PDA?)


I know, I know. Believe me... I do. I still cringe at the sight of the Cafe Rio couple (you all know the kind, there's one in EVERY line, without fail) hanging off of each other, lips smacking with every other breath they take. I still feel weird reading Facebook statuses about 'how cute my boyfriend is' or looking at pictures of 'me and my amazing boiii smooching!! lol :):)'.


Yuck.


I'm stifling a gag.


But that's not what this is. It's just... a little something I want to share. Not because I want to brag about how much better my boyfriend is than yours, or that I have a boyfriend, or that I think I'm all that. No no no. Don't even go there.


It's just something I want to share. From my heart, to yours. Because I am in love. And totally okay with that.


And because, well, this post was inspired by Valentines day- and that's all about love.


So here goes. (I have no idea what's coming next...) 


Sometimes the unexpected, the unthinkable, the unfathomable, happens.


People change. Friendships die. Tears fall. Knees scrape. Bones break. Marriages fail. Loved ones pass. Nail polish chips (okay that one was for me). Accidents happen. Mistakes are made.


You get hurt. Your heart breaks.


And all you want to do is go back. Rewind. Forget the bad and remember the better.


You long for those days spent laughing with your best friend, prepared to face the world with each other side by side. You reminisce on nights spent lying on the tramp with your sisters, laughing without a care in the world. You remember the innocence of childhood, the days lost wandering through fairy fields and making mud pancakes.


And you want it all back.


You want to trade in your tests, papers, assignments, lost friendships, messy room, empty gas tank, diminishing bank account, major life decisions, headaches, heartbreaks, and dirty laundry baskets for popsicles in summertime and bare feet on cement sidewalks.


Something simple.  Something easy.


But that's not the way it works.


As a wise man once said,

"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses, simultaneously applied. When those trials are not consequences of [our] own disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels [we] are prepared to grow more. Therefore, He gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get from where [we] are, to where He wants [us] to be, requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain." 

- Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

And so we take it. We do it. We wake up the next day. We push through the snowstorms of life like the pioneers across the plains. We do it because we have no other choice.


There is no 'take over now' switch when an infant won't stop screaming at 3 o'clock a.m.
There is no 'I'm done' button when a teenager pretends not to care.
There is no 'give me a different trial' lever when a best friends leaves.


We are here. We are learning and we are growing. We don't give up because that's not what we're here to do. We won't be pushed beyond our limits.


Will we break? Probably.


But that's sometimes the only way we will really let Him in to put us back together.


So. What's my point to all of this? How does this all fit together? (We'll see if it does...) 


Well, I will be the first to say, I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I say things I don't mean. I forget birthdays. I spend too much.


And, the last 6 months of my life (okay 7... okay 10... okay 12) have been crazy to say the least. I have had my fair share of ups and downs. I've had confusion. Excitement. Heartbreak. Joy. Chaos. Hurt. Understanding. Betrayal.


But I've had him. Through it all. (Not to say he hasn't been the source of some confusion and chaos, but hey- what would real love be without any of that right?) And last night I was reminded of that. Last night I went back. Back to those childhood days playing dress-up and eating EL Fudges. Or at least that's the way I felt.


It was simple. And easy.


I went on a scavenger hunt, finding 14 clues of 14 things he loves about me. (Ending at the spot he first said 'I love you' after his mission... not bad eh?)
I wore a red dress. And heels.
He picked me up in a tie with a single red rose tied with black ribbon.
We ate dinner by candlelight.
He gave me a gift.
We ate shakes from my favorite restaurant, at home.
We watched a movie, and went 'star gazing' with a constellation just for me.
He kissed me goodnight.
And I fell even more in love with my best friend.


So yes, it was a Happy Valentine's Day. The best yet in fact.

Thanks D. Thanks for reminding me what it feels like to be carefree. Important. And most of all, in love.


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YOU MADE IT! CONGRATS! That's quite the journey you've been on. I hope being here again makes you think of that night where I got the guts to say "I love you," and guess what, I still do! I LOVE YOU RACHEL. For so, so many reasons. You may be asking yourself, "Now What?" Well, I sent you on this journey for two reasons: 1, to tell you some reasons why I am crazy about you, and 2, invite you to a formal Valentines Day dinner with ME, tonight at seven. I want to tell you a little bit more about why I love you, but this time, face to face.... Please RSVP, and if you do, I will be on your doorstep at seven to spend tonight with the only person in the world I want to. 

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY RACHEL.